When in doubt eat the Hogyoku!
by LunaLightEclipse
Summary: "Well just a quick test I want you to lick the Hogyoku." "What the fuck Urahara!" Renji yelled looking confused. Rukia seemed to have caught onto whatever the mans plans were and looked a little disgusted which was worrying. Ichigo himself? Well he didn't really know. "Look i'm being serious. Just lick it like you would a piece of candy."
1. Chapter 1

**When in doubt eat the Hogyoku!**

**"Shiro"**

_"Zangetsu"_

_"Mind Communication"_

* * *

"Kurosaki! Kurosaki! Kurosaki!" Throwing an arm over his eyes he ! He was trying to take a nap but the man sounded so exited that he had to know what he wanted him for. To be fair it was probably a good sign the fact that the man had even left his room at all. For the past month no one had seen hide nor hair of Urahara as he had locked himself away in the search of destroying the hogyoku.

You may be wondering, isn't Aizen fused with the hogyoku? Well he was. But Urahara was Urahara and found a way to separate the hogyoku from its master by making _another _hogyoku (and hadn't he bitten his head of for that?) and wishing the miracle marble out of the man. Luckily he had asked Yamamoto when he did this and the second hogyoku was made out of prisoners soon to be executed and Hueco Mundo's population instead of innocent citizens.

So there were two hogyoku's but he had gotten to witness Aizens execution which had been a public display and had been wonderful. Thank god for Yamamoto being able to remake the Sokyoku.

Anyways Urahara had locked himself away in the search of a way to destroy the two marbles and was currently yelling at his window. Renji and Rukia who had been in a heated argument over the appeal of chappy bunny cookies had stopped and was just staring at the window.

"Ichigo are you going to answer him?" Rukia asked still staring dumbly at his window.

"Probably should..." Slamming his window open he stuck his head out of it and yelled,"URAHARA! WHAT DO YOU WANT?" The neighbors no longer even looked out at the commotion.

"Maa no need to look so angry! I think that you can destroy the hogyoku."

Well of course _he_ could do it because there was not even a speck of normal in his life.

"STOP YELLING AT MY WINDOW AND GET UP HERE THEN!"

So just like everyone else he entered the house via window mumbling about not needing to be so deafening and sat himself cross legged on the bed holding both hogyoku's out to him. Guessing that he would need to be in soul form for this he let Rukia punch him and forgot to catch his body whose head slammed against the desk and then the floor.

"Right what do you want me to do?" Snatching one of the wish marbles from the crazy mans hand he looked down at it surprised at the feeling of so many different souls that made it up. The feeling of them all clashing was making him feel nauseous.

**"Is tha' wha' bein' a normal hollow is like? Tha's unfortunate." **Because he had let Shiro eat a hollow once and while they had gotten a power boost they had learnt that being a shinigami purified any souls they ate not having to deal with any mass noise in their mind.

"Well just a quick test I want you to lick the Hogyoku."

"What the fuck Urahara?!" Renji yelled looking confused. Rukia seemed to have caught onto whatever the mans plans were and looked a little disgusted which was worrying. Ichigo himself? Well he didn't really know.

"Look i'm being serious. Just lick it like you would a piece of candy."

Thinking "Fuck it when is anything ever normal?" he licked the thing.

**"Ahhh tha's nice. Do i' again." **At the sound of his hollows pure bliss he began to get even more worried.

"Oi Urahara you sure this is safe? My hollows happy and he's not chopping anyone up."

"Only 43.78% Sure but the trial seems to have worked perfectly well so I say that this will work!" He stated cheerfully fan in front of his face which was soon grabbed and snapped by Rukia.

Not really feeling reassured but happy at the sound of Shiro's pleased purring (because they could purr and that was a horrifying revolution for the both of them) he licked it again, just for funzies.

**"Tha's like tha' best thin' i've ever felt."**

_"Zagetsu. I need you functioning brain input please."_

_"I believe the hollow is in the same kind of bliss as having my blade scrubbed and cleaned by hand. Uh hm Ichigo." _So he had been a little to busy so spoil Zangetsu recently! Not his fault."_He is laying down looking like a very happy kitty, not even grinning just smiling, nicely."_

_"Should I keep doing this?"_

_"Why not?"_

So he continued to lick his way through the rock, ignoring the purring that had turned into moaning (was it really that good?),which to his surprise was actually shrinking like a sweet. After he got about half way through the first hogyoku he started to feel what Shiro had been feeling the whole time.

"Oi Ichigo you ok there. Wouldn't wan't to have to drag your ass to the Seireitei to see Unohana."

"Mm fine. This is just very very nice."

"Oh for! Urahara whats happening?"

"Ask Rukia she seemed to have figured it out." As normal dodging having to explain anything.

"Hm, fine!" Pulling out the notepad she began to draw Ichigo and hollow Ichigo chappy's and drew how by eating the hogyoku Shiro was consuming the souls and by this point the feeling was beginning to pass onto Ichigo. The reason eating the marble was feeling so nice was because of just how many souls there were in the thing. "It's a very dense soul rock and we're feeding it to a hollow. That's about it."

"I don't think Kuchiki-taicho would be very happy if he heard about this..."

"Kurosaki-san why don't we speed this process up and just swallow the two hogyoku's whole."

Not really thinking straight he did what the man said and immediately collapsed with a reiatsu fluctuation strong enough to send them all to the floor.

"Urahara I swear to chappy!" Pulling herself to her knees and pulling Urahara from his spot on the bed to the floor but quickly clambered into her wardrobe space to avoid counter attack.

"Look I didn't expect this but i'm sure we can-"

"Ahhhh!" Only for him to be interrupted by Ichigo's bliss filled moaning which was making all of them uncomfortable.

"What." All three of them deadpanned looking at Ichigo who was now blushing quite happily.

"What is going on in here?" Ishida said half in the building at the same time and Orihime's "Is Kurosaki-kun okay?" could be heard from down below.

"Well in simple terms I told him to eat the hogyoku."

"_Why _Urahara?"

"He's a hollow?" He answered as if that was quite obvious.

"But why is he-?" Not knowing how to end that sentence (or not wanting to say the word _moaning_ in context with Ichigo) he waved his arms at Kurosaki.

"But it's so nice! Ahh."

**"Best thin' ever really." **Shiro appeared from nowhere scaring everyone but looked to be in worse condition (though if you asked the hollow he would say the opposite) than his more colorful half. Though he was currently sporting a bright blue flush and hazed eyes.

"Hollow I don't like you."

**"Nice ta ah know ya quincy prick."**

Not able to continue standing he flopped down next to Ichigo pulling one of the pillows from behind him to put his head on curling up next to him.

With three shinigami, a quincy, a human, a weird hybrid thing and a hollow in the room it was beginning to become cramped but no one actually did anything about it.

"Kurosaki-kun could I do anything to help?"

"What d'ya mean ah help? Ah'm feeling better than I have in a long time."

**"Wha' ah king said."**

"Look Inoue myself and Rukia are gonna take those two," He nodded his head at the twins,"To Unohana because were a little worried but we are gonna take the normal senkaimon so you can't come with us."

Once the three had left the room Rukia and Renji worked on picking the two calm happy people up (they had quietened down to panting trying to be less of an embarrassment in the Seireitei) only to be met by protest at feeling far to hot which meant they had to strip them down a little. So of came the top half of the Shihakusho's which was neatly folded and carried by Rukia.

With the lack of hands Renji just grabbed their obi and dragged them along the floor.

By the time they got through they received more than a couple of weird looks from the guards or local shinigami.

"Oh there in a captain's meeting. Renji does this count as an emergency?"

"Well we're not entirely sure whether their going to explode as they are currently sparking so I would think it does." He didn't mention how much he just wanted to put them down because of the power from the Hogyoku was rippling over their skin and he didn't like it.

So of they went to bulldoze over a captains meeting. Before being involved with Kurosaki neither of them would have even thought of doing something like that but now they didn't really care. It wasn't much of a secret that even the head captain had become fond of the substitute. No one mentioned the weekly chess games or the path of destruction that Kenpachi and Ichigo made or the day that squad thirteen had just stitched their insignia into his uniform and declared that he was one of them. He was there enough after all. Only for each division bar one to follow after so now he had twelve squad insignia's and belonged to each squad equally.

At this point Ichigo was often showing up straight after school and could often be found sleeping over somewhere or another. The times where captains, lieutenants or seated officers were found in Ichigo's home being forced into a meal by Yuzu.(If you couldn't find them in the Seireitei knock on Ichigo's window first and always).

So when they burst into the meeting room Yamamoto put it on hold and inquired about what had happened, not really keeping all of the concern hidden, Unohana rushed to his aid and Ukitake offered a hand where he could. Even Kenpachi was patient with wanting to fight them and just told them that fighting like they were would be pathetic but they had to show up later.

Ichigo and Shiro agreed even though it just meant spending more time in the forth.

Soifon, Byakuya and Toshiro all scalded his recklessness calmly and it ended with Ichigo drinking with Kyoraku because he had learnt that the man just didn't like taking no for an answer.

Seireitei had changed for the better and Ichigo was always solving there problems but they loved the damned hero complex and let him be.

Rukia for one had stopped regretting giving away her powers for a long time now and that had to be a good thing.

"Kurosaki-san be glad that you were the one to eat the hogyoku because it would have killed anyone else." Unohana was still scary though. Ichigo was still weird and things that would kill your normal person just gives Ichigo pleasure.

Yeah no Ichigo was weird.

* * *

**I didn't mean for this to turn into how it ended but i'm happy with it. I like to think that they all kind of like Ichigo in their own way and protect him from squad twelve and central 46. **

**Not that I don't like the fics where soul society betrays him and he goes and joins his friends (the human one and Rukia, Renji), Urahara and the Vizard and go fuck you fuck this kill em all. I like those ones just as much. **

**But this was a happy one and I like how it came out.**

**I came up with it as I was pondering the hogyoku and was like "Isn't the wish marble of doom made of souls?" Then was like "Ichigo's part hollow so as far as I care he can eat souls!" **

**So that happened...**

**If you have a problem with the fact that Ichigo is calmly consuming souls I would like for you to think about the fact that by 15 he was fully prepared to kill a man and by 17 he **_**did**_** kill a man and no one even bat an eyelash. Not even Ichigo.**

**So eh. I think being a ghost warrior with a sword and being part hollow and involved with Urahara means that his morals a skewed somewhat.**

**Just in case anyone has anything to say about the word funzies because I very rarely see it I looked it up and it's in the dictionary. Even if the example use is erm interesting.**

**Anyway enough blabbing. Thanks for reading and please leave a review on the way out. -Luna**


	2. Getsuga fuck you

**When in doubt eat the hogyoku!**

**"Shiro-Zangetsu"**

_"Zangetsu-Ossan"_

_"Mind-Communication"_

**I just can't help myself. Here have some more.**

* * *

_Chapter two, Getsuga fuck you,_

"Ichigo is it really wise for you to be training so soon after that incident? You still appear to be high." Cause apparently eating the hogyoku had worked like a very long lasting drug according to Unohana. At least they now knew that it was possible to get high off of souls. Apparently he had become very hyper and moody which sounded like an awful combination.

"Yes i'm fine stop nagging me."

"Fine!" With that they continued their training. Renji had come to him in request of a sparing partner and he had quickly whipped up a gargantua to Hueco Mundo.

"Hikotsu taiho!"

To counter the red beam he attacked back to negate the attack like Urahara had taught him to do,"Getsuga- woah hey now!" At least he tried to anyways. The second Zangetsu realized something was wrong he began to hold on to the getsuga for as long as he could. The power caused his sword to start glow and vibrating and was beginning to tear apart his arms.

_"Ichigo."_

**"King we can't hold te getsuga for much longer!"**

"RENJI MOVE!" Hearing the uncharacteristic panic in his friends voice Renji smartly moved both himself and Hihio Zabimaru _really_ far away.

"TENSHO!"

The attack that left his sword was a solid hundred foot tall, twenty foot wide, as long as the eye could see purple wall.

**"Fuckin' hell."**

After waiting a minute the getsuga finally stopped and he actually dropped Zangetsu in the fear of destroying anything else then let himself collapse on the floor. His arms had been reduced to a bloody mess, purple sparks still sparking up his arms and along his zanpakuto.

"Oi Ichigo you ok there. Dear god I hope Harribel doesn't kill us." For just in front of Ichigo was what could amount to a ravine. "Can you even see the bottom with you weird hollow night vision?"

"Na. I think we should go."

"Agreed. Before Harribel comes to investigate that Getsuga fuck everything in that general direction."

**"Oh tha's glorious. I was thinkin' of tha' jus' bein' a hogyoku empowered getsuga but I actually think we should call tha' te getsuga fuck you."**

_"I'm liking this idea, do continue."_

"What is this." And it seems that they had sat there for to long.

"An accident, it is due to some circumstances. I didn't expect this to happen."

"As long a you don't hit Las Noches."

"Fair."

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed this short chapter. Getsuga fuck you fuck that. I'm sure Aizen would have loved it, preferably pointed in his direction.**

**I hope you enjoyed, please leave a review- Luna**


	3. Chapter 3

**When in doubt eat the hogyoku!**

**"Shiro-Zangetsu"**

_"Zangetsu-Ossan"_

_"Mind-Communication"_

**Thank you for all the comments you have sent me! I love reading what you have to say and the fact that I am still receiving comments during my inactivity has made me so happy!**

* * *

_Chapter 3, Happy little ducklings,_

Harribel hadn't been too annoyed by the new landscaping, however she had asked that the shinigami stay out of Hueco Mundo for a while so the hollow population could recover. Ichigo himself had become very careful of what his reiatsu was doing in order to avoid mishaps like last time. However this was Ichigo and despite his effort, trouble was still bound to occur.

He had just finished up his homework at the wonderful time of three in the morning when his badge began screeching.

"SHUT UP YOU DAMN THING, I KNOW THERE'S A HOLLOW!" After launching it at the wall it shut up so he left in the direction of the hollow. Now you might be thinking Ichigo is just a substitute, the Gotei has appointed a shinigami to the town so there is no need for him to go out. Unfortunately for our favorite Hybrid the Shinigami appointed was useless.

Then again even that was an understatement.

It was quite clearly some noble who thought themselves better than anyone and who had paid their way through life. Even Kuchiki-higher-than-thou-Byakuya had been disappointed and had given a good frosty glare. Ichigo had actually needed to call the captain and inform him about the disaster of a person after said useless being had tripped over his own hakama, managed to fling an incoming attack towards a living human and impaled himself on his own sword.

Luckily the paperwork was going through to have someone else appointed and the before mentioned shinigami given some menial cleaning duty (it was likely going to be either twelve squad or the elevenths toilets.)

Once Ichigo had reached the hollow he had realized one crucial thing, he was still in his body. It is important to note that Ichigo was currently running on ten cups of coffee and pure anger as fuel and thus instead of using his phone to call for help, lets say Ishida, he instead decided to fight the hollow in his human body.

The following events proceeded like this: Ichigo let his reiatsu lose to slow the hollow down, he walked up to the hollow and brought his hand back coating it with reiatsu in order to reinforce his own body, he then slapped the hollow hard enough to send it through a wall.

"Now listen here. I am tired, I have a headache and I was just about to go to bed so how about you do us all a favor and fuck of."

One second.

Two seconds.

Three...

Nothing?

Cautiously he walked up to where the hollow should be and was currently producing a lot of _steam?_ Why can't anything be normal.

"Please do not come any closer to me. Though I would appreciate an item of clothing." A deep male voice said, it sounded like the hollow except for the fact that there was no more usual hollow warble.

Ichigo hesitantly answered back,"Clothes?"

"Yes, like your coat. That will do."

_Alrighty then._ Damn he just wanted to sleep but it seemed to be getting farther and farther away. Careful not to make any sudden movements he removed his coat and threw it over in the direction of the hollow.

After a few seconds he used his reiatsu to push away anything blocking his view and-

Well there was a few things to take in, first the hollow was crying in joy (if you want to know how he could tell the beaming smile was a great indicator) and second the hollow was now an arrancar.

The arrancar was quite clearly not an arrancar less than a minute ago.

**"Huh. Tha's-"**

_"Fascinating."_

"Excuse me sir-" Ichigo started sliding himself just a little bit closer.

"Thankyousomuch! Oh I don't now how I could ever repay you, what do you want from me? I am forever in you debt good sir, I-" The currently unnamed arrancar began listing of a number of things he was willing to do for him ranging from fucking off as he had been previously asked to or fighting his greatest enemy even if it was going to get him killed.

**"Has 'e even stopped ta breathe yet." **Shiro actually sounded impressed, which honestly made sense the arrancar had been at it for several minutes now.

Ichigo clearly overwhelmed just covered the mans mouth with his hand. "Shhh. I don't have super hearing, just tell me your name so I can stop calling you unamed arrancar in my head."

"It's- My name is Emily sir." The now named male arrancar called Emily stated looking quite embarrassed.

_"Is he actually serious."_

_"I think?"_

While Ichigo had been having such a riveting conversation in his head he failed to realize that he had been staring silently at Emily for quite a while at this point. He did realize this when the arrancar through his arms in the air yelling,"I KNOW! It's ridiculous! I got enough stick while I was alive. Do you know how hard it is to hold a conversation with someone who wont stop _giggling. _Its even worse because im sat here on the floor in nothing but a short coat._"_

**"Look King you've made 'im cry."**

Sweet precious sleep where art thou? Apparently not fucking here.

"Mmmm. Ok. Ok. I'm _fine._" Though really was he? He had just turned an arrancar into a human and _he didn't feel fine. _Also it would be _very_ nice if he had some spare clothes on hand because his coat really was short-

A basic arrancar uniform appeared in the air.

"I guess you have clothes now."

"Yeaahhh. I'm just gonna, go over there and put this on."

The arrancar disappeared round the corner. It was incredibly awkward.

Eventually he was able to get the arrancar to Uraraha who was standing outside his shop with a bleeping device in his hand.

"Kurosaki-san. Where did you get an arrancar."

"I don't? Know? I just slapped a hollow through a wall and now, bam! Arrancar. I am so tired, please me want to use the sleeps."

Uraraha raises an eyebrow,"I think you need to use the sleep."

Ichigo decides to take a nap. Right on the floor. Mmm comfy.


End file.
